On self-esteem, job offers, and saying no

Recently I was asked the following question: If you could redo everything post-graduation over again, what would you have done differently?

My short answer would be: ​I would have said NO a lot more. ​

I recognize that student life is stressful - you constantly get judged. Although marks are not everything, they cannot be trivialized either because they could matter for some things (e.g. getting into a program, getting into graduate school). You get tested on things all the time, and chances are you won't get perfect marks. Although that is an indicator that you can learn more and improve, it is easy for us to beat ourselves up if we don't do well on an assignment or an exam. So if you've been in that judging environment for 4 or more years, it may take a toll on your self-esteem.

As a fresh graduate, my self-esteem was so low from facing uncertainty and rejection that I was willing to do more than I was actually willing to do. I fell for the short-term gains (mostly money) instead of the long-term impact.

Let's say you get a job offer after applying for many jobs. It can be very tempting to just pounce on it - maybe because you've been rejected so many times before and you really wanted this position. But before you make the leap, make sure your gut isn't telling you that something is off at the time you get the offer. If your gut says something is awry, DO NOT IGNORE IT. Stop and listen carefully before you make a decision. Here are a couple of examples:

• Does the offer sound like you're under the employer's mercy? If your gut tells you that the employer is hiring you out of pity, then politely decline the offer. It's not worth working for an employer who does not understand the true value you can bring to the organization. If you say no, it's really their loss - not yours. Drop that mic and move on.
• Does the offer sound strangely flowery? If your gut tells you that it sounded more like a sales pitch than an offer, then politely decline the offer. If the offer sounds unbelievably great, think about why it sounds unbelievably great and why the employer is making it sound that way. Is it actually unrealistic? Is there evidence that the employer is desperate for people to the extent that they would try to lure you into the company, only to show you what the reality is after you signed the contract? Beware.

Your relationship with your employer is a two-way street (it's surprisingly similar to dating). An abusive relationship with your employer is going to come with a cost - it can literally shave years off your life, and restoring your mental health back to normal can take years (or longer). So say no if you know that something is off.

Lastly - if you are in circumstances where you still need to say yes although you know that something is off, know what your limits are and start planning for your next move before your mental and physical health starts declining.